Struggling

I’m really struggling at the moment.

Every day is ground hog day. From the minute i wake up the dialogue doesn’t stop.

“Stop kicking your brother”

“Sit down on the couch”

“Your sister is ASLEEP!”

“if you want to run around, do it OUTSIDE”

“What makes you think spitting at me is ok?!”

“Look at me when i am talking to you”

“If you are silly with your lunch 1 more time it goes in the rubbish”

“Get that out of your mouth”

“Its confiscated for a week”

“Go OUTSIDE”

“Go and apologize for punching your brother”

“Are you allowed to use language like that?”

“Madeline is ASLEEP! SHUT UP!”

etc, etc, etc, etc.

I am exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, i am exhausted.

I’m not cut out for this stay at home parent lark. I have had Rob at home for more than a year, sharing the parenting and the housework. I now have to do everything on my own. My house is a complete pigsty, i cant do ANY work, every second of my day is full of noise. No one listens toΒ  single word i say EVER.

My kids have no respect for me and i am walked all over, all fricken day.

I’m not “depressed” as I’ve been there and know how that feels, but I’m dissatisfied and angry and on the edge. This isnt who i am or how i want to live.

I’ve spent the last two days pumping and trying to get Madeline to take a bottle as i am DESPERATE to get out of the house alone for a few hours. I want to go and see a movie for the first time in over a year. I want to have the option to go out for an evening and not have to come home at 10.30.

Yes yes, so many have it worse than me but I’m feeling very sorry for myself πŸ˜›

Giving makes me feel better short term so my first gift of the year went out and was received last week πŸ™‚

Image

Gorgeous lavender sparkle yarn for a dear friend of mine who needed some cheering up.

Now to organise another sneaky gift

xxx

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One Response to Struggling

  1. oh i missed this post ❀ … i'm sorry i hadn't managed to post about your beautiful gift you sent me. Times have been tough here to & was hoping to post a finished picture but I haven't managed to do any knitting either 😦 xx Love to you, I hear your post and sit there nodding away. Being a mum Esp a SAHM is a big challenge but i've found the days i face it with a smile go better then those i don't. Good luck on your journey & remember the kids wont be living at home forever πŸ˜€ (phew!!)

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