Ground Hog Day

I know ive been neglecting this blog, but i don’t think anyone’s reading it so it shouldn’t matter. My last post was a negative one and alas, so will this one be.

i just spammed my lovely weight loss group with these posts this morning after yet another disappointing weigh in but it wasn’t the right place so have moved them to here.

What are some ways to feel good about yourself for no $$$$$ ?
We are in the shit atm financially, as we clear debt and get back on our feet from months of Rob not working.
I need new bras, underwear, a haircut, makeup, skin care products. All stuff that helps so much with body image but we just can’t afford any of it. Lots of health foods that would make my body feel better from the inside and help with the monotony of my diary free diet are out of the question $$$ wise too.

I’ve been trying to go out each weekend for some “me time” but it always includes Madeline, so not really me time at all  was nice this weekend doing the underground markets and coffee with my mum, auntie and me and maddie. really lovely actually

i feel like a prisoner at home at the moment

i just hate my role atm. the stay at home parent. I’ve had rob at home sharing this role for over a year and now its been taken away ( by necessity  and I’m forced to organize and look after 3 kids, AND try and run my business. I feel really bitter and hard done by. seeing rob come home happy and satisfied after a day of hard but rewarding work, using his brain etc. when I’m at home loosing my mind, letting all my hard work with my business slip as i don’t have the time and energy i need to put into it.

Having had serious PND after my second son i don’t want to do back there, but circumstance being what they are, do not help. i need independence, my work, to feel like more than just a mother and wife.

 

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Struggling

I’m really struggling at the moment.

Every day is ground hog day. From the minute i wake up the dialogue doesn’t stop.

“Stop kicking your brother”

“Sit down on the couch”

“Your sister is ASLEEP!”

“if you want to run around, do it OUTSIDE”

“What makes you think spitting at me is ok?!”

“Look at me when i am talking to you”

“If you are silly with your lunch 1 more time it goes in the rubbish”

“Get that out of your mouth”

“Its confiscated for a week”

“Go OUTSIDE”

“Go and apologize for punching your brother”

“Are you allowed to use language like that?”

“Madeline is ASLEEP! SHUT UP!”

etc, etc, etc, etc.

I am exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, i am exhausted.

I’m not cut out for this stay at home parent lark. I have had Rob at home for more than a year, sharing the parenting and the housework. I now have to do everything on my own. My house is a complete pigsty, i cant do ANY work, every second of my day is full of noise. No one listens to  single word i say EVER.

My kids have no respect for me and i am walked all over, all fricken day.

I’m not “depressed” as I’ve been there and know how that feels, but I’m dissatisfied and angry and on the edge. This isnt who i am or how i want to live.

I’ve spent the last two days pumping and trying to get Madeline to take a bottle as i am DESPERATE to get out of the house alone for a few hours. I want to go and see a movie for the first time in over a year. I want to have the option to go out for an evening and not have to come home at 10.30.

Yes yes, so many have it worse than me but I’m feeling very sorry for myself 😛

Giving makes me feel better short term so my first gift of the year went out and was received last week 🙂

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Gorgeous lavender sparkle yarn for a dear friend of mine who needed some cheering up.

Now to organise another sneaky gift

xxx

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PUG!

I am adding another Cherry to my list!

I have been in love with Pinup Girl Clothing for more than 2 years now. I have a couple of friends who have wardrobes full of these babies and i cannot even explain my jealousy.

Th designs, the cut, the fabric, the whole aesthetic suits me down to the ground and when i saw this beauty on facebook this afternoon i couldn’t resist any longer:

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isnt she just GORGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO! “Cherry #9 : Buy my first PUG “is being added to the pot.

Here are some more lovlies for you to drool over

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Giving

I’ve seen lots of the “Crafty Pay It Forward” type posts on facebook this week and dismissed them as it happens every year and I’ve never seen anyone ( including myself) follow through. But in the spirit of giving more I’ve decided to join in 🙂

Here are the first 5 people who commented. I’m putting it here so i don’t forget 😉

  • Megan
  • Bel
  • Casey
  • Laura
  • Donna

I also sent out my first package of squishy pretties yesterday to a dear friend of mine who is going through some heavy stuff atm ❤ And i have 2 other special projects planned for two other gorgeous women in my life.

I have been really shite the last few years when it comes to friends birthdays. Once you grow up and especially when you have a family, birthdays are celebrated less and less. I am going to make a big effort to send my friends cards and gifts this year, as i know how special and loved it makes me feel when i receive them.

 

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Ask and you shall receive!

Within an hour of my last post, the universe made up her mind for me. I am very blessed to be surrounded by many wonderful women in the varies online jaunts i hang out in.

I was very surprised when i received an email form paypal telling me that one of these women had gifted me a months WW subscription!!!

I met Lanie through facebook and ravelry and she is a fellow Indie Yarnie ( hand dyed yarn dyer) . She has such warm spirit ( yes airy fairy language is needed here!) and I’m so glad i met her xxx

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So! i am back on the weight Watchers wagon as of today.

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Budget vs self care

Day 2 of blogging and working towards all my goals and already I’m at a cross roads!

When it comes to losing weight and staying motivated and accountable Weight Watchers is a no fail program for me. I have used it successfully many times and it has enabled me to get to pre pregnancy weight since having Madeline in March.

We are only a super dooper ridiculous budget atm though as we try and clear the debt we have racked up over the last few months while we scrapped the barrel and Rob looked for work. So since November my WW subscription has lapsed as its $39 a month that would be better spent on rent or grocery’s.

I think spending that money makes me accountable too, because ive paid for it so i better loose it to make it worth it.

I’ve used My Fitness Pal in the past but i guess it the lazy girl in me that likes how much easier and simpler Weight Watchers is.

I belong to a wonderful support group of women on the health journey that i set up on Facebook a few months ago, so i do have a wonderful support network.

So my dilemma is do i spend the $$$ on a WW subscription ( on our new Credit Card) because it is fail safe for me to get to my weight and health goals, plus fulfills my resolution to spend money on myself??

Or do i suck it up because we cant afford it, and go for the free option and give My fitness Pal another chance?

 

I’m torn!

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The Cherries: my goals for the year

Well here i am!

I havent blogged in 2 years or so and i have missed it. This year is going to be an amazing one for me, I am in the best position ( mentally, emotionally, logistically) possible to realise all of the things i have been wanting to experience for so long.

I plan on making a vision board of all of these things after reading my friend Carla’s blog and seeing the amazing success she had in 2012 with hers!

So here they are:

The Cherries

  • 1. Get my first tattoo : This is something i have wanted to do for YEARS. I am planning a floral half sleeve ( which I may add onto later) but im not sure whether to design it myself or get one of my talented arty friends to do it for me.
  • 2. Get to my goal weight and stay there: Now that i am done having babies the time is now! I have already lost 12 kgs since having Madeline and im back to my pre pregnancy weight ( from before any of the kids) but have another 11 to go. My reward to myself will be Cherry #1 ! haha
  • 3. Get a facial: I have never EVER had a facial 😛 And i want one, simple as that.
  • 4. Save for and go to Melbourne: This year is my family’s year for christmas and we want to go over and spend it with my sister and parents in Melbourne. It will be tough to do but sooo worth it. Neither me or my husband have ever been.
  • 5. Spend money on MYSELF: this is something i havent done since having a family ( so since i was 19). I don’t look after my skin, my hair or my body the way i should as i put myself at the bottom of the list. I am going to make skin care, makeup, haircuts, clothes, exercise and health a priority.
  • 6. Go to a concert: I have never been to a concert. Sad but true and this year that is going to change. Rob had bought me tickets to see the Civil Wars for my birthday , but weeks after that they announced their cancelled tour 😦 and the Foo Fighters are on hiatus so i will have to settle for not the ultimate concert haha.
  • 7. Design and release my first knitting pattern: i have had the idea for a long time and even have the name picked out and everything. Just need to knuckle down and actually DO IT.
  • 8: TOP SECRET: this one is not safe for the internet or general public but its something ive wanted to do for a long time and will mean a great deal to my self-identity and confidence.

Those are the “Cherries” i want to pop as they are all firsts but here are other “resolutions” i have:

  • 1. Give more. I LOVE surprising friends with gifts and its something i have neglected of late. I plan on at least monthly packages winging their way across the country to bring smiles and love 🙂
  • 2. Buy a pair of jeans. I havent worn or bought jeans ( non maternity or baggy etc) since before i had Flynn so almost 5 years. My body proportions dont work with standard off the rack jeans so i will have to do some investigating and shell out a bit of $$$ but i cant wait!
  • 3. Have people over for dinner. I LOVE entertaining, and with 3 kids it’s about the only way to socialize regularly! me and Rob both love cooking and wine and trying new things so it’s the perfect way to do all those things.
  • 4. Get my engagement and wedding rings resized. I got pregnant with Flynn on our honeymoon and the subsequent swelling and then actual hand growth means ive never fitted them since. And its been 5 years! I want to be able to wear them.

So there they are!I will probably add to them and plan on blogging about my progress towards them all, as well as other general stuff on my journey this year 🙂

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